by Geoff Platford
As a child I had always had the conviction that the answers to everything lay within myself. I would often try to focus my concentration and attention inwardly to work out the problems and questions of life. It became increasingly obvious to me that most religions and gurus did not have any of the answers I was looking for.
As an adult a fellow seeker and acquaintance of mine suggested that we attend some courses to help develop our understanding of ourselves and our minds. Little did I suspect that the experiences I was about to have lay totally beyond my mind and the expensive courses that professed to explore it.
After about 12 months of one of these courses I found that my attention was becoming ever more inwardly focused. I was also becoming increasingly aware of a heavy dullness in my head, as if a block of concrete had slowly grown there.
It was a blockage in my brain that was actually stopping me from fully focusing my attention on my inner being. It was frustrating my efforts to really focus on what was going on within me and exasperating my attempts to understand what this blockage was.
Then suddenly I realised and it made me laugh out loud. The blockage was part of my personality which had become so overdeveloping and ludicrous that it sat on my personality. It was my ego and it was hilarious to see.
This was a flash of deep awareness which was itself liberating. As soon as I saw this ego blockage it spontaneously disappeared, as if my simply becoming aware of it and realising that my ego was an obstacle to self awareness was sufficient to dissolve it.
Other flashes of awareness occurred following the removal of my ego blockage, such as suddenly realising a deep sense of self confidence of tapping into a current of creative inspiration. I would often feel heart felt benevolence to others suddenly flow from within me. Other times I would get a profound and clear perception of things in general without getting involved in others' or my own melodramas of life. These glimpses of a deeper reality were a taste of an even more lasting and transforming experience.
I could see that everything I was dissatisfied with was a manifestation of an imbalance in my own personality rather than the things around me. This made me realise how to draw satisfaction from within myself.
One day I was sitting alone when my attention was spontaneously 'contracted' into my body. I became aware of an inner light inside me and remembered that I had had this experience in a more diluted and momentary way as a child.
The light seemed to be emanating from a focus in my chest or heart but it filled my entire body. Without any effort or will on my part this focus of attention began to move upward. It reached my throat area and as it did my awareness of myself changed. It was as if I was watching myself from a deeper position within my own being. It was like being detached from my own self. Observing my own experience without reacting in any way. My attention kept moving up.
It reached my head. That ego thing again! spontaneously I said to myself 'Forgive them, Father, for they know not what they do'. I don't know why I said it but the resulting sensation was as if a door had finally been opened in my head.
The circle of light in my heart then rose up through some unseen channel and took its position at the top of my head. This triggered an experience of sudden, blissful peace. A peace that tangibly filled my body.This peace flowed from me and emanated from my hands as a physically cool wind.
This spontaneous state of blissful meditation continued for quite some time. It felt as if my whole body was becoming drenched in a cool shower of tangible peace pouring all over me. I was totally alert and yet there was not a single thought in my mind. Just an amazing, unimpeded awareness of everything.
Over the next few weeks or so it was like I was a new person. No thoughts, just an intense amazing sensation of benevolent love for everyone and tremendous joy of being alive.
There was a fellow who I employed who used to carry a photo of his guru around with him. He would occasionally invite me and my lady friend to meditation classes. I was so busy with my business and so suspicious of gurus and cults that I routinely declined their invitations.
To cut a long chapter short, I eventually set up business with a friend of this employee who also subscribed to the teachings and techniques of the same guru. I noticed that when I spent time with him I would often experience the light in my heart which would rise to the top of my head as it had done the first time but for much briefer moments. When it happened he would coincidentally comment that he could feel it too!
I didn't know whether he was strange, and took no real notice of him. I decided to quietly suss him out.
One day he said: ' Close your eyes and ask for your self realisation'. As I did it I felt something come up my back, and light went from my heart to the top of my head with greater intensity than ever before. I felt a cool breeze flowing on my hands just like the first time. I was stunned.
I looked at the photo of his guru for I don't know how long. Suddenly her whole face was glowing golden and I felt my whole heart open up with light.
This time the light engulfed me completely and I knew with complete, heartfelt conviction that I had found the truth I had been looking for.
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